'We' need more storage

'We' need more storage, now living in a reasonably big two bedroom flat this is not a statement that I really expected to hear, I say 'We' in the good old Royal sense of the word. But I have and not very long after my girlfriend had moved in. Now my immediate reply to this was, well a thought rather than an out loud statement is "Throw some shit away". Come on really do you honestly need as a women (and these figures are no word of a lie) 107 pairs of shoes, now as a man I own 5 and that is a bit on the low side but is enough to get by. I needed go on about a comparison in the amount of clothes suffice to say that as many of my fellow man, the spare room now doubles up as a walk in wardrobe, with a triple wardrobe and a set of 5 drawers. Now my clothes could live in luxury in such a set up, however this is not the case and the need for storage continues as this just houses the spring summer clothes. So where do the autumn winter clothes go, well under the bed of course in two vacuum pack bags else they wouldn't fit and it's not a single it's a double bed.

So into the living room and the quest for storage continues, books, throws, nic knacks and generally loads of other shite. So today I invested in a sideboard now this is a piece of furniture I didn't think that any man should own (unless inherited) before the age of 30, but nevertheless I am now a sideboard owner. To be honest it's pretty stylish I chose it although my girlfriend will probably hate it, but I guess there is a lesson to be learnt in there for her. "Throw away some shit"

Too much personal grooming

Now there are a few fads and trends that seem to pass me by and currently one of these is the over personal grooming of some men that now frequent the pub. Seriously a bit of wax in your hair, a shave and a wash nothing wrong with that, but whilst at the local the other day up pops some guy next to me waiting to get served. Now he seemed to have taken it to a level way beyond any straight man, waxed eyebrows I only noticed because they were such an odd shape almost stuck in a state of looking like someone had stuck a hot poker up his backside. Moving on this was teamed with an orange perma tan and one of those marvelous haircuts where it seems the more you can fit on your head the better. A side parting at the front, spiked in the middle, shaved at the sides and beautifully topped off with the beginnings of a mullet at the bottom. Actually come to think of it, I wonder if that is the same price as a normal one head one style hair cut or you pay for each one..... Who cares back to point, when did this become a good thing for a man to do, how long does it take them before they are ready to go out, it must be being like a woman. I suppose to sum it all up he ordered a round of drinks a couple of bottles of Bud (come on buy a pint at least) and a bottle of WKD strolled back to his group gave the girl in the group the Bud and he started on the WKD, doh! Come on girls is this what you want from your man someone who has more creams and spends longer in the bathroom?

The pursuit of sex

Lets be honest, I thought this should be the first real entry into the secret life of man because it seems after entering this world you spend a huge amount of time trying to get back in where you came from (well not exactly the same place that would be revolting and illegal) but you know what I mean. Nearly 30 years on this earth and a few steady relationships have led me to believe that this gets no easier, sure you go about it in different ways but the careful attention to detail and concentration required when you really want it never changes. One misplaced word, hand, gesture or action can send you from the 99 square on the snakes and ladders sex board all the way back to 1!

And I suppose this sums up my adult male life a constant trek up the snakes and ladders of sex to magical square 100 and how my actions and thoughts either take up the ladders or plummeting down the snakes (mind you the snakes always seem perilously long and the ladders not as long as I thought they would be).

I generally think that women don't understand the effort that most guys put into the pursuit of sex, I am sure if they did you might get something for you efforts (probably a slap for only thinking how to bed them) but they hold the power. This is a fact easily demonstrated in no matter how unattractive you maybe as a girl if you want a shag you'll get one, finding a man to sleep with is easy as finding an American who has heard of McDonalds. Now as a bloke this is not something that works the other way round sure there are exceptions (fame and money) but these are still not guaranteed to bring you anything, well it will probably bring you anything whether you take it is a different question. But for Mr Joe Shmoe and the rest of us it's an uphill battle.

Whether in a relationship or not the game time may vary and you may start a few more squares up the board the goal is still the same and you can still end up all the way back at square 1! or worse. There are many factors that have crossed my mind and no doubt will be written about at a later date, but the one currently on my mind is since recently moving in with my girlfriend is "Are you more likely to get more sex if you live apart?" In some small way much like going on holiday I think there is some inherent thought within the woman's mind that for you coming over to her house or vice versa that it is 'polite'?

So I encourage you to answer the poll to the side "Are you likely to get more sex if you live apart?"

Disclaimer

Well my failure to achieve a decent grade in English will ensure that this will be full of grammatical errors and possibly words I have to rewrite at least 3 times before the spellchecker understands what I am trying to spell (although is bound to give me the US spelling). Anyway now that I am fast approaching the that mid-life milestone of 30, I feel the need to write down in a completely faceless way some of my random thoughts. No doubt some of these you may agree with and some you may not, but after spending a few years with my girlfriend and approaching 30 years of my life complete, I have come to question "Am I the only man who thinks these things?". Which brings me round to the point of this post in the first place I love my girlfriend very much and hope that we shall be together for a long time. But in committing these words that I have not written yet to the Internet opens up the possibility for a catastrophic fall-out. So for her benefit or anybody else who happens to know me and if they find this (almost sounds like the A-Team). These are just random thoughts in the secret life of man, written only for the purpose of fulfilling one question "Am I the only man who thinks these things?"