Celebs who look old

Now I'm not talking about celebs who are old, but what is it with Americian Women who look like they are in thier mid thirties it's just odd or they are just blatently lying about how old they are. Lets take a few examples

Solange Knowles d.o.b. June 24, 1986



Nicole Scherzinger d.o.b. June 29, 1978 (She is catching up to her age, but I swear she used to be a man)


(1986-06-24)

The General Public

If public transport or come to think of it any transport was to have a motto I would borrow a quote from Jean-Paul Satre "l'enfer, c'est les autres" For those who don't speak French it translates as

"Hell is other people"

Now spend a length of time on public transport and I defy you to not identify with this. Now you may think that this has little effect on your life in general but it does for example would you do any of the following as a person (without children).

1. Any theme park in school holidays
2. Oxford Street the week before Christmas

And this extends to holidays also, as I mentioned in a previous post Holidays and hotels any package holidays at massive 400 room hotels, buffets and dive bombing I would avoid like the plaque to the extend that I would rather take a week off and spend it at home. Now I don't think that I'm alone in this way of thinking, even though 1st class is slowly being abolished on trains think how much more pleasant your day to day life could be without the annoying. Mind you this isn't a solution in itself to bring back the classes, as how annoying you are as an individual isn't reflected by how much money you have, in fact privately educated kids are among the most annoying of all. They have some jumped up sense of self and are oblivious to anyone around them, to be honest most of them were probably raised by Nanny's and if you think about how much effort you put into working for you company you can see why many of these kids end up like they do.

So what can you do about it? Nothing. How do your deal with it? Like everything else just let them wind you up and call them all c**ts to yourself.

Women and time

Now over the years there have been many arch rivals Superman and Lex Luther, Batman and The Joker, now there is a new one to add to the list Women and Time. Now ask any woman about what annoys them about their other half and I suspect a large majority including mine will tell you that they sit around doing nothing a lot. Now I admit this is true but is not the complete story, the time I spend sitting around doing nothing is usually the direct result of my girlfriend doing something that requires me to wait for her to finish!

Now I saw something on the TV today I'm not sure where the research was from but it stated that on average a woman only has 66 minutes of free time per day. Now as a man I ask the question how the bloody hell is that? Constantly I'm told as a man I am unable to multitask as women are, but seriously how inefficiently must they multitask to end up with 66 free minutes. I suppose one of the things that effects this is similar to women and spacial awareness thing, in that they don't actually have any concept of time. Getting ready is a prime example of this I know that I need an absolute maximum of 30 minutes to get ready including the mandatory three S's (Shit, Shower and Shave for the uneducated). My girlfriend on the other hand protests that all other women take forever to get ready but she is the expectation to the rule 30 mins no problem. Now how she has worked this out baffles me as from the point the alarm is set for to the time she has to leave the house to get the train is exactly 60 mins. So where exactly do those other 30 mins disappear?

Now take for example preparing for an event be it wedding or special dinner, her estimate will maybe increase to 40 mins of preparation time and in the beginning being a bit naive I would have accepted this, but found out pretty quickly it's absolute rubbish. I know that for a 1pm exit preparations need to begin about 11:30am a full 90 mins, which leads me to the construction of a new theory.

If you think that a woman is under estimating something double it, for example 'How long will it take you get ready?' or 'How many men have you slept with?' (btw never actually ask that)

To the opposite if you think they are over estimating something half it. 'Do you know you drank x pints last night' or 'Do you know how long I waited up for you?'

So if this true the 66 minutes they claim to have free actually calculates as 2hrs 12mins which begs the question why is the flat so sodding dirty?

Cars and Shoes

Now I have a passion for cars there is nothing quite like the simple pleasure of finding an open bit of road and nailing the throttle. As a result the car I own is perfect for the job a real drivers car, however this means that as round town / long trip with your girlfriend kind of car it isn't ideal. Well I say that in the fact that she hates it claiming it to be too uncomfortable and noisy, yes I can concur that a 3.5 inch straight through exhaust on a car pushing out the best part of 400bhp has got a certain deafening quality, but what a beautiful sound it makes there is nothing like going full chatt through a tunnel (from experience don't do this with your girlfriend in the car, trust me). So she's not a fan of it really, but it's impractical to have a car each since we live in London, which kind of brings me round to the point of the 'discussion' that we had about it. She believes I should sell it and get some little run around and me not doing so is a blatant slap in the face and down right selfishness. So in my defence I was trying to think of something on her part that was equally impractical, that she spent what I thought was a daft amount of money on and causes me grief. What was it? Shoes.

Now being an ordinary kind of chap before I met my girlfriend I owned 3 pairs of shoes which were perfectly adequate for my needs. You tell any girl that and they will laugh, now my girlfriend is a shoe fiend has them coming out of everywhere the last post referring to them the count was 107 ('We' need more storage) since then there have been an additional 4 pairs that I know of. Now comfort and practicality aren't a consideration when she is purchasing these shoes, which does effect me in one of two ways. Firstly nights out you have to find somewhere that you can sit even if it's the scabby table by the toilets there is no possibility of standing for any length of time which also means if it's busy it's a convenient excuse not to go to the bar. Secondly the end of the night now this is cause of many a 'discussion' as her feet are so sore that she is unable to walk to get a night bus, so means a taxi every time the problem being in that every other woman has the same problem and are all waiting at the front door for one. This either means waiting for hours or walking down the road to try and intercept one on the way up, but because of her feet this means a piggy back, now you look around any city centre on a weekend evening and count the number of women on mens backs with a pair of shoes in their hands.

So am I going to get rid of my car for something more practical? Yes, the day my girlfriend trims her shoe collection down to under 10.

Why women want to change men

Why do women want to change men, well ask them and they'll say they don't they just need a bit of tweaking. I and many other men out there know that this tweaking is pretty consistent but is not always in the delivered in the preferential man way of just coming out and saying it first time. Now I'm not saying that it never comes in that fashion just usually only when all forms of woman delivery have been exhausted these include

• Telepathy
• Inferred either by picture or comment about a friend
• Suggestion something along the lines of "Wouldn't it be nice if..."
  
• Silence

The problem being is that men are unable to use any of the above communication, which means that after an exhaustive period of time the question is then delivered with some venom as it's been established that you are not willing to change because you have ignored all of the above. Lets take a real world example now if spot any of these I can tell you what she's after.

1. Telepathy - To be honest I can't do this if you can every other man envies you, you absolute bastard.
2. Inferred "Wow I hadn't seen Paul for a while he's looking really good" Now this kind of narrows it down, but you need a good leading question "How do you mean?" "Well really fit looking" Now this is where it becomes some what disguised since they don't want to tell you to change.
3. Suggestion "Wouldn't you like to be able to run a marathon?" Now this is a question were many men including myself fail we take it as it seems and ignore that the important part is like to be able so reply "Hmm get up at 6am to train in the cold and rain, give up alcohol and takeaways... nope I couldn't think of anything worse" Now depending on how many of these suggestion have gone before in the day the next step maybe sidestepped completely.
4. Silence the conversation ends with a look, if you happen to be watch TV you'll miss it and think that the conversation has reached it's logical end.
5. The question now this is delivered depending on length of silence and how many suggestions have been previously ignored and still not in a straightforward manner "So I suppose you just want to sit on the sofa watch tv and go to football on saturday and watch all these athletic men do things you can't" To be honest you still may not get the point and that's the problem.

Women don't want to be perceived as naggers or someone who wants to change you but the fact of the matter is, they do. Being a man you hanker for an easy life and to be honest are quite open to change is just that you had no previous reason to do it because you easy life was with yourself but seriously our easy lives are effected by having to go though the entire above process and not by just being able to say "Your looking a bit fat, I think you should lose a bit of weight and tone up a bit" Now how difficult was that?

The Olympics and drugs

Now I've been watching the Olympics and have been quite amazed at Usain Bolt, but thinking back to Ben Johnston when he ran a 9.79 he blitzed the field got me thinking. If people are going to take drugs to get an advantage why don't we let them and see how fast they can go. Now no doubt all the people who are boycotting watching the Olympics because of the Tibet situation will probably think it's a terrible idea and quite frankly they can stick their carbon front print up their own backsides. The fact of the matter is that people have an odd fascination with freaks, think about it how often do you see something a bit weird and have to tell the next person you see be it a albino, midget, giant or just a stupidly big pair of boobs. Drugged up athletes running under 9 secs for the 100m would be amazing. Take swimming as another example Micheal Phelps has a big wingspan which helps him out, well how about someone extending their arms with titanium rods to have a 7 foot wing span an see how fast they can go, it'd be brilliant.

No more drama

The gap between postings has mostly been taken up by drama, not of the tv variety of the girlfriend type which is amusing but lacks the ability to turn it off if you've had enough. How is it that any woman can make anything into the biggest / most important event / problem / dilemma out of things that you consider of no importance what so ever. I think part of it comes back to how woman's brains work as I mentioned in Einstein and Me they are obviously deeply pessimistic about the outcome where as I have just to the conclusion of "fuck it"

Now working in IT you always look into preventative actions now this works well with logical devices such as computers, sure it takes a bit of experience as well. But this simply doesn't work with women I think they believe that all men must posses mind reading abilities to know such things as, well lets give you an example from each of our perspectives.

The scenario: Your girlfriend stubs her toe on something in the other room, you hear a shriek of pain, shortly followed by some low level murmurs to which you say you can't hear what she is saying shortly after follow scream obscenities in your direction.

From my perspective: She's stubbed her toe on something and now is annoyed because it hurts, which is somehow my fault but I have no idea why as it was in a room I rarely frequent and I haven't seen what it was.

From her perspective (guesstimated) : I walk into the room looking for something, it's a complete mess, I'll never find it, why doesn't he ever clean the house properly doesn't he know the pressure that I am under to do everything. Now slightly annoyed at this thought continue to look. Bang! stub my toe that really hurt what the hell was that? Oh look what a surprise it's the coat hook that I asked him to buy which he did but just put in the room and never put up, why is he so half arsed at doing these things. Firstly I had to ask him to buy it, could he not see that we don't have enough room to hang all the coats up, then he doesn't even put it up what does he need a diagram of where it should go? Why am I living in house that is half finished does he not care enough about me to make sure that everything is sorted do I have to tell him that the door handle to this room is loose can he not see that for himself. Right that's it I'm saying something.

Now I only know part of the from her perspective because of the 'discussion' that followed afterwards, but seriously telepathy doesn't work just ask, seriously out of her stubbing her toe it established the following. Even though I rarely use the room (it's pretty much an extended wardrobe) I should clean that room when cleaning, I should have noticed that the door handle was loose and should have put up the coat hook even though she never told me where to put it and it would have been in the wrong place, however I did ask at the time and never got a response and then was never asked again.

And this is just once event a simple stubbing of the toe, you think how many events happen in a day and however insignificant you think they are, you are wrong so so wrong.